Annalizing

Something you have to forgive yourself for

Growing up, I felt guilty about everything, and eventually had to let it all go and forgive myself of everything because while some people in my life used guilt as a tool with me to be the kind of person they wanted me to be, I somehow came to the realization that this was stupid, because God doesn't expect me to be perfect right now, and that beating yourself over the head for every little thing, even things that are nothing is not a way of helping you to progress and become a better person (or at least for me) was rather, just a way to decrease my already low self-esteem.

So during my teenage years and up until my mission I never really had a problem of forgiving myself for things.  This is not to say that I'm just one of those people that hurts people and then just shrugs and says to them, all well, I'm not perfect and I don't have to be, so deal with it.  (just if you were wondering)

Then on my mission, Satan tries everything to thwart the work and I felt guilt creeping into my life again.  It seemed like all of my companions struggled with it as well at least at one point or another.  Guilty because we accidentally forgot to set the alarm and woke up at 6:35, guilty because instead of only having a lesson for 30 minutes, it lasted an hour. Guilty because sometimes I needed a full hour of lunch so that I could take a little nap or just slow down for a minute, instead of shoving food in my mouth as fast as I could so we could go and talk to more people.  It went on and on, and at first I found it quite ridiculous, but as I felt myself completely surrounded by it from other missionaries and companions, I struggled.  Until one day I had another confirmation that God was proud of the things I was doing, and that these guilty feelings were indeed not of him, because they were not inspiring me, they were only degrading me.

So in the end, if there ever is something I need to forgive myself of, it is probably that I am not perfect right now.

Something you love about yourself

I love how when I laugh, it doesn't matter if other people think it's funny or not, they laugh along because they can't help it. :)

Something you hate about yourself.

I always have had a hard time expressing myself in a lot of ways, one of them writing.  I've always wished I could, and really admired those who had all those really cool, funny, witty words to say.  I guess what I am trying to say is that I am attempting to start again, and I secretly hope no one reads it because I'm really self conscious about it, and also because it is a little painful to open myself up like this.  So if you are reading, just don't judge me.


"30 Days of Truth"


Day 1: Something you hate about yourself.
Day 2: Something you love about yourself.
Day 3: Something you have to forgive yourself for.
Day 4: Something you have to forgive someone for.
Day 5: Something you hope to do in your life.
Day 6: Something you hope you never have to do.
Day 7: Someone who has made your life worth living for.
Day 8: Someone who made your life horrible, or treated you like crap.
Day 9: Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.
Day 10: Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.
Day 11: Something people seem to compliment you the most on.
Day 12: Something you never get compliments on.
Day 13: A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough days. (write a letter.)
Day 14: A hero that has let you down. (letter)
Day 15: Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.
Day 16: Someone or something you definitely could live without.
Day 17: A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.
Day 18: Your views on gay marriage.
Day 19: What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?
Day 20: Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Day 21: (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?
Day 22: Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.
Day 23: Something you wish you had done in your life.
Day 24: Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)
Day 25: The reason you believe you’re still alive today.
Day 26: Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?
Day 27: What’s the best thing going for you right now?
Day 28: What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?
Day 29: Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.
Day 30: A letter to yourself: tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself.