How young I look. Although I don't think it is so much a compliment, rather a way to cover up for their wrongness. The other day I went to the temple and was mistaken for someone who is 14, FOURTEEN people!!! I mean, I guess it will be good when I'm older. Maybe when I am 40 people will finally think I've hit puberty or something. Welcome to the story of my life.
Maybe when people read this they are going to think I am a horrible person, but it's taken me a long time to think of this one and I'm going to probably have to say that I am usually the one who drifts. I pretty much know that people are placed in my life for a reason, and sometimes when that reason is over and we both have to move on, I am glad I was able to know them, but at the same time, look forward to other things. I have a good friend from high school still and we talk to each other sometimes, but it's hard to relate and be as good of friends as we were because our lives are just completely different right now. And I have to say that the day I graduated high school, I never shed a tear. I loved a lot of people on my mission and in different areas I served in, but I realized my time was over, and that it would never be the same again. I never cried when I left an area, or when leaving good friends I met, because I was just so glad that I got to know them, and for the things we shared and helped each other with, but I knew it would just have to change again, and even though I hate change, I kind of know deep down inside, that change is good. So yeah. I realize this is really jumbled, and I'm not even sure if I really answered what this question was asking, but this is my answer. the end.
who cares? someone who does that isn't worth remembering anyways, besides, good things can come from bad situations/people so I can't really say that about anyone because whether I want to admit that at the time or not, I am glad that those people were in my life. for example:
1. my sister: without her I wouldn't have Aaron in my life and I wouldn't have learned a lot of things about myself
2. stupid nursing teachers/department who require your soul: I guess if it wasn't hard I wouldn't really feel very accomplished when I finished.
What would be the point of life if it was easy?
awww, don't those eyes over those big cheeks say it all? I love this kid! Aaron was born on Jan. 11, 2007, and was my first nephew, but now he is my 3rd little brother. He has been through so much in his life, and has experienced more pain than I have. He was born with an extremely short intestine and every day is a fight for life with this one. Yet he has brought so much joy into my life and in the lives of everyone he comes across. When he first came to live with us, I was working 2 jobs and going to school and we shared a room. He woke me up all through the night and early in the morning, but who could be mad waking up to his smile?
That time before my mission was a special time of bonding between us. I was able to learn with my mom how to take care of his insane daily medical life support, and I have never been so tired and overwhelmed, yet never been so happy and satisfied. I am so glad he is with my parents right now, so glad that he gets the attention, care, and love he needs without which I doubt he'd have the will to survive for this long. The doctors never thought he'd live after 2 weeks. I thought about him and worried about him a lot on my mission, knowing I would probably never see him again when I left. But I knew I had to go and that everything would turn out the way it should. I kind of felt like a mother abandoning her child, which had pretty much already happened once to him. I felt so empty, and wondered often if he would even remember me when I came home, and I hoped he would also adjust to my family and not feel like I had abandoned him too. But when I stepped off the plane in Utah and saw my family, I knew in an instant that everything was fine, great really. He remembered me, and fit in so well with my family. His personality had emerged revealing a world of iron man, batman, superman, and transformers to me all over again. The difference in the way he looked before I left and after I came back was astounding. Some part of me knew that because I was faithful on my mission, my brother achieved and is still achieving the impossible.
Aaron loves everyone, even his mother who gave him birth, without any reservation, he loves those nurses who can never seem to keep their needles off of his body, he loves strangers he sees in the store, willing to give anyone and everyone who needs it, a hug and/or kiss. Because of him, I have more fully realized that nursing is what I need to do with my life, I know without a doubt that miracles happen, and that God lives and loves us and will make our dreams come true even when we thought it was too late for any of that to happen.
Something you hope you never have to do
watch one of my kids's brain melt from drugs
turn into a selfish brat when I get engaged and lose all my friends
take care of my parents
raise my grandkids
learn another hard language
get to a point in my life that I have to lose 300 pounds to have an average weight
find another career because I can't pass the NCLEX
Something you hope you do in your life
own and play a beautiful stringed instrument like the violin, viola, or cello.
run a marathon
Get married
Be a Mom to a bunch of boys, maybe a girl or two, maybe twins, I don't really care.
go on a few missions with my hubby
study yoga in India and maybe become an instructor
tour Italy, Germany, Ireland, Sweden, and England, and visit Ukraine again.
Do something like operation smile in other countries, or join nurses without borders or something
learn herbal medicine and acupuncture
Something you have to forgive someone for
Have to think hard on this one. Don't want to go into a lot of detail, and there are a few people who this might apply to. I guess what it all boils down to for us all is being too self-absorbed. From drugs, to people abusing their kids, to treating others like obstacles, to just plain no respect for anyones space, feelings, money, things, etc. I can't say I'm the most selfless on this planet, but come on people, think a little.
Something you have to forgive yourself for
Growing up, I felt guilty about everything, and eventually had to let it all go and forgive myself of everything because while some people in my life used guilt as a tool with me to be the kind of person they wanted me to be, I somehow came to the realization that this was stupid, because God doesn't expect me to be perfect right now, and that beating yourself over the head for every little thing, even things that are nothing is not a way of helping you to progress and become a better person (or at least for me) was rather, just a way to decrease my already low self-esteem.
So during my teenage years and up until my mission I never really had a problem of forgiving myself for things. This is not to say that I'm just one of those people that hurts people and then just shrugs and says to them, all well, I'm not perfect and I don't have to be, so deal with it. (just if you were wondering)
Then on my mission, Satan tries everything to thwart the work and I felt guilt creeping into my life again. It seemed like all of my companions struggled with it as well at least at one point or another. Guilty because we accidentally forgot to set the alarm and woke up at 6:35, guilty because instead of only having a lesson for 30 minutes, it lasted an hour. Guilty because sometimes I needed a full hour of lunch so that I could take a little nap or just slow down for a minute, instead of shoving food in my mouth as fast as I could so we could go and talk to more people. It went on and on, and at first I found it quite ridiculous, but as I felt myself completely surrounded by it from other missionaries and companions, I struggled. Until one day I had another confirmation that God was proud of the things I was doing, and that these guilty feelings were indeed not of him, because they were not inspiring me, they were only degrading me.
So in the end, if there ever is something I need to forgive myself of, it is probably that I am not perfect right now.
Something you love about yourself
I love how when I laugh, it doesn't matter if other people think it's funny or not, they laugh along because they can't help it. :)
Something you hate about yourself.
I always have had a hard time expressing myself in a lot of ways, one of them writing. I've always wished I could, and really admired those who had all those really cool, funny, witty words to say. I guess what I am trying to say is that I am attempting to start again, and I secretly hope no one reads it because I'm really self conscious about it, and also because it is a little painful to open myself up like this. So if you are reading, just don't judge me.
"30 Days of Truth"
Day 1: Something you hate about yourself.
Day 2: Something you love about yourself.
Day 3: Something you have to forgive yourself for.
Day 4: Something you have to forgive someone for.
Day 5: Something you hope to do in your life.
Day 6: Something you hope you never have to do.
Day 7: Someone who has made your life worth living for.
Day 8: Someone who made your life horrible, or treated you like crap.
Day 9: Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.
Day 10: Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.
Day 11: Something people seem to compliment you the most on.
Day 12: Something you never get compliments on.
Day 13: A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough days. (write a letter.)
Day 14: A hero that has let you down. (letter)
Day 15: Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.
Day 16: Someone or something you definitely could live without.
Day 17: A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.
Day 18: Your views on gay marriage.
Day 19: What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?
Day 20: Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Day 21: (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?
Day 22: Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.
Day 23: Something you wish you had done in your life.
Day 24: Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)
Day 25: The reason you believe you’re still alive today.
Day 26: Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?
Day 27: What’s the best thing going for you right now?
Day 28: What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?
Day 29: Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.
Day 30: A letter to yourself: tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself.
